Does power corrupt the heart?

Source: Gurit Birnbaum

In Western cultures, most people enter romantic relationships expecting equality. However, only about half of romantic relationships have a relatively equal power balance¹.

People lack power when their needs depend on the actions of another person, and they have power when they can control the ability of others to achieve their goals. Having power can significantly change how people feel and behave. It can make them more confident, feel more entitled, and act more impulsively.

This increased self-confidence can affect people’s romantic and sexual lives, making them feel more attractive and desirable. While this may increase their interest in romantic partners, it can unfortunately lead to treating others as objects, being overly sexual, or even being aggressive.².

In romantic relationships, feeling powerful has been linked to some harmful behaviors in the intimate sphere. For example, someone may refuse to use protection during sex³ or pressure your partner into sexual activities⁴. Our recent research⁵ looked at whether feeling powerful in a relationship affects interest in other potential partners.

We thought that feeling powerful in a relationship might lead someone to believe that they are more valuable as a partner than their current partner. This idea comes from the understanding that when you feel powerful, you feel less dependent on others, think more highly of yourself, and feel more confident that others find you desirable.

In a romantic relationship, these power dynamics can make the more powerful partner think they bring more to the table than their less powerful partner. They might see this as a sign that they have more options outside of the relationship and are a more desirable partner overall. We proposed that this enhanced view of self versus partner determines whether people who feel powerful in their relationship feel they can afford to show interest in other potentially more desirable partners.

The studies

We conducted four studies to examine how temporary feelings of power in a relationship influence interest in other potential partners:

In the first study, we asked participants in relationships to describe a time when they felt powerful over their current partner or just a typical day in their relationship.

For example, one participant described this situation in this way: “We are stuck in a London tube station. It is late and we are all tired and eager to get to our hotel. My girlfriend and her friend look confused and desperate. I’m the only one who knows how to get there. I feel a surge of confidence as I lead them from this situation to our hotel.”

We then asked participants to write a sexual fantasy about someone other than their partner. We had independent raters rate other couples’ sexual desire expressed by these fantasies.

In the second study, following the same power manipulation, relationship participants quickly looked at photos of strangers and indicated whether they would consider each as a potential partner. We counted how many they selected as a measure of their interest in other partners.

For the third study, participants described recent events that show the power dynamics in their relationship. They then rated their perceived power in the relationship and how they saw their worth as a partner compared to their current partner. They then completed a task in which they built a five-story pyramid with an attractive person (a confederate) and rated their sexual desire for that person.

In the final study, both members of the couples reported daily on their perceived relationship power, how they saw their worth as a partner compared to their current partner, and any sexual activity with someone other than their partner over three weeks.

What did we find?

When people feel that they have great power in their relationship, they tend to believe that their value as a partner is greater than that of their current partner. This belief, in turn, can motivate them to ignore their commitment to the relationship and act on the desires of short-term loves or potentially better partners if the opportunity presents itself.

So why does this happen?

The increased sex drive that comes with feeling powerful isn’t always bad for relationships. For example, it can give someone the confidence to initiate consensual intimate connections.

However, our research suggests that within romantic relationships, this motivation can become destructive. When people feel empowered and believe they have more relationship options than their current partner, they may be more inclined to pay sexual attention to these potentially promising alternatives. In these cases, the belief that you have other options can weaken your commitment to your current relationship. This reduced need to protect their relationship could allow these people to prioritize their own needs in ways that could hurt their partners and damage their relationship.