I thought I would never be a mother at 48 – a tragic phone call changed our lives

Rhonda Marie Alston’s life changed in an instant at the age of 48 when she received a phone call in December 2021. While visiting her hometown of Raleigh, North Carolina, Alston learned that her sister-in-law had died unexpectedly, leaving -two of them young nieces without a mother figure in their lives.

“I knew at that moment my life had changed. I didn’t know exactly how, but I knew my life had changed,” she said. Newsweek. “I have a big, beautiful family, but I knew it would probably be better if I was the one to go.”

After living in Georgia for nearly 26 years, Alston suddenly found herself in North Carolina, navigating the challenges of raising two girls, four and seven at the time, after entering legal guardianship.

The transition was difficult, not only for Alston, but also for her nieces, Sky and Destiny, who were grieving the loss of their mother while adjusting to their new normal.

“It was sad and stressful. Making them feel comfortable knowing that they are loved and that I would be there for them as well as the rest of the family,” Alston said. “We’re still adjusting, trying to make sense of everything, keeping a mortgage and paying rent, and keeping them in the school system.”

Alston is someone who defines himself as an “accidental parent,” which is anyone who takes responsibility for raising children who are not biologically theirs. This could be as a result of parental addiction, incarceration or trauma, according to Adrienne Alexander-Allen, author of The Accidental Father: Nurturing Love in Unforeseen Circumstances.

These are people who, without doubt, expectation or hesitation, step in to become the primary caregiver for children who may have no one else to care for them, as was the case with Alston.

For someone who had never raised children before, becoming an accidental parent in her late 40s was daunting for her.

“I had no idea. I’m 51 now and most of my friends had kids 25 or 30 years ago, so I’ve got to hold on to them to get me through this time,” she said. Newsweek.

However, Alston and her nieces have developed a strong bond and now call her Mom.

“I didn’t realize how much that word means to me. If people don’t know us, I introduce them as my daughters so they know they have that security,” she said.

She also added that no one made her feel like she had to raise her daughters.

“It wasn’t even a question and being in the city was my answer,” he said.

Alston vows to keep his mother’s memory alive by talking about her. The girls also wear bracelets with her name on them and keep pictures of her at home.

“They might do something, and I’ll say, ‘Mom used to do this,'” she added.

Alston is also grateful to his partner who has embraced his unexpected role as a father figure.

“Unfortunately, we weren’t able to have biological children, so we’re grateful to have this experience now. Having the opportunity to raise children is something we haven’t had the opportunity to experience,” she said.

Alexander-Allen’s grandparents began raising her because of her parents’ struggles with alcoholism and addiction. She later took in her younger brother and is now the primary caregiver for her granddaughter, whose mother is incarcerated.

she said Newsweek that the impact of being an accidental parent covers several levels.

“The impact is felt in many ways,” Alexander-Allen said. “Emotionally, financially and mentally. It’s a roller coaster to go from the life you had planned of retirement, travel or just being free to move around as you please to changing diapers, paying for daycare and babysitters and being responsible for someone else, everything changes “.

For Alston, maintaining a balance between his new responsibilities and personal life has been a constant challenge. As a producer, sports and talent manager and filmmaker, she has to wear multiple hats at home and in her professional life.

“It’s a lot of work and it’s scary because you want to make sure you’re making the right decisions, but they let me know they’re comfortable and happy and loved. I’m still trying to figure out how I lived without them.” she said “It’s sad how we’ve become as a family, but God is in control. Our faith is what keeps us going.”

Alexander-Allen encourages others who have found themselves in the position of being an accidental parent to give themselves time and grace.

“First, don’t be afraid to ask for help. You’re not alone in this,” she said. “Second, take small moments for yourself, whether it’s a five-minute break or a leisurely walk. And third, remember that no one expects you to be perfect, do your best, and that’s more than enough.”