All Blacks star’s incredibly brave revelation of anxiety after years of suffering

All Black Anton Lienert-Brown has opened up about his battle with “massive anxiety” and depression ahead of the team’s Northern Hemisphere tour.

ALB told the TFN podcast that he had been suffering from daily panic attacks that got so bad he once thought he was having a heart attack.

“The anxiety made me depressed and made my life difficult every day,” said Lienert-Brown, who will be vice-captain of the team against Japan on Saturday.

He revealed that he still takes anti-anxiety medication prescribed by his psychiatrist because anxiety can hit him “like a ton of bricks”.

“I used to have massive anxiety,” ALB said. “Over the years, my anxiety got worse to the stage where I had constant panic attacks on a daily basis and it became very difficult.”

Anton Lienert-Brown celebrates with New Zealand’s Beauden Barrett during the Rugby Championship and Bledisloe Cup match between the New Zealand All Blacks and the Australian Wallabies this year. (Photo by Hannah Peters/Getty Images)

“I would spiral and spiral and spiral to the point where I would have a panic attack … It felt like I was having a heart attack, but I wasn’t.”

Lienert-Brown said she has disclosed the problem to help others who may be suffering.

“It took me a long time to seek help. I should have gotten it much sooner,” she said. “I’m like a lot of other Kiwi men out there. It’s hard for you to talk about your feelings.

“You struggle to say you need help and if you say you need help, it makes you feel weak.

“I wrestled with this for years until I was probably hanging on by a thread.”

Lienert-Brown, 29, said the attacks were at their worst early in his career.

“Sometimes I might be in a team meeting and have one and try to act normal,” she said of the panic attacks.

He recalled being in the dressing room after a win against France and being told by All Blacks assistant coach Wayne Smith that “you should aim to be the best rugby player in the world”.

Lienert-Brown recalled: “Honestly, all I wanted to do was go home and sleep and forget about rugby… I was zonked out.”

Lienert-Brown said that as a professional athlete she now puts more emphasis on her mental health than her physical health. He used ice baths, saunas and a little meditation to control his anxiety.

“I don’t want to emphasize that medication is the only solution to mental health problems because it’s not, it was the start of my journey to get better,” she said.

Lienert-Brown is an ambassador for Mind Set Engage, a NZ Rugby mental wellbeing initiative. Her message to fellow sufferers was: “be vulnerable and ask someone for help.”