Comment: Celebrities like Andrew Garfield and Elmo can help us talk about grief

IT WILL TAKE TWO (OR MORE)

Their exchange begins with Elmo’s character checking in with Garfield, to see if he’s okay. Ask in a warm and open way.

What Garfield communicates well is seeing if Elmo is willing and comfortable to listen to him talk about his thoughts and feelings. He conveys his feelings of pain and talks about missing someone for love. He shares his understanding of the comforting role that memories can bring to the bereaved, and of recognizing that a dead person can be celebrated and missed at the same time.

Elmo also does a great job of listening. It normalizes Garfield’s thoughts and feelings, and gently affirms his memories of his late mother.

Importantly, Elmo doesn’t make the conversation about himself or fall back on tired clichés like “this will happen” or “she’d like you to move on.” He doesn’t minimize his discomfort with jokes or offer unsolicited advice about how to feel or behave.

Social support after loss helps the bereaved, if done right. Too often, however, it is not, and it can leave sufferers more distressed.

Although an almost universal need, providing effective social support to the bereaved is a complex process. It must involve a potential supporter who recognizes the grieving person’s need for support; support available, sufficient and offered to bereaved people; and they perceive the support as useful.

The perception of whether an offer of support is helpful may depend on where it comes from, the type of support, whether it is offered at the right time, and the level or receptivity or social isolation of the bereaved.