Asking Eric: Hearing unwanted life updates from an ex-friend

Dear Eric: Three years ago, I met a woman, Margaret, and we became best friends very quickly. I introduced Margaret to not only my existing friend group, but to my other friend Jeff and they hit it off and started dating.

Jeff works in my industry and is friends with many of my co-workers. Last year, during a rough year, I began to feel that some of Margaret’s behavior was that of someone who was using me, not someone who really cared about me. I confronted Margaret and she did not take responsibility or change her behavior.

Working with a therapist, I decided that I needed to end this relationship and let things play out. Margaret then tried to spread the word about me with our mutual friends. It was messy and painful, and I’m trying to put it behind me while still being civil, since I still have to see them from time to time because of all these mutual friendships and acquaintances I built.

Well, Jeff and Margaret got engaged and bought a house together, and now I’m hearing this from my co-workers. One in particular asks if I’ve talked to Margaret about her ring, how excited I am for the wedding, etc. I’ve tried saying things like, “We haven’t really talked in a while” and changing the subject. , but people don’t understand. How can I keep my side of the street clean while making it clear that I don’t want to hear Margaret’s life updates?

– Cancel the subscription of an ex-friend

Dear Unsubscribe: If your co-workers aren’t getting the hint, it’s probably because, in their minds, you and Margaret are still on good terms. In the absence of a huge public fight, most of the time we assume that friends are still friends. While exhaustion may have been effective in ending your friendship with Margaret, it probably went unnoticed by everyone else.

So, as with an email list server, to stop the flow of information you will need to officially unsubscribe. It’s not messy or dramatic to say, “Margaret and I are no longer friends, so I have no idea about her wedding.” Getting it straight and clear will save you a lot of unwanted chatter.