Mom reveals her ‘trick’ to get husband to do his share of parenting

In a video, posted on both his TikTok and @ourhomeflows Instagram accounts, Pace explained: “I stopped answering all the questions I could figure out for myself.

“It may seem a little harsh, but if you always answer the questions that will always be asked, you will be the one who thinks everything.”

Pace suggests that this method could reduce the “mental burden” mothers often carry and lead to a more equal partnership.

The short clip has since garnered over 37,000 likes and thousands of comments from mothers sharing their own experiences.

User ‘proazil5’ wrote: “It’s called ‘mental load’ and women have to carry it every day. When your husband keeps asking questions he can answer himself, she has no idea you already have 100 million of other things spinning in your brain.

Meanwhile, “Rockpinup” added: “She means things like when you just open the fridge and she’s IMMEDIATELY like, ‘Hunny, where’s the ketchup?’ Or ‘The baby’s got a wet diaper, do you want me to change it?’

‘These questions do not need to be asked. You are giving your wife more stress. Also, take the initiative to do things yourself. Do you see dishes? make them You see things on the ground; pick them up It doesn’t always have to fall on us!’

Others shared how they usually distribute the mental load. User ‘_prettyonmebeauty’ wrote: ‘My favorite phrase is ‘Idk’ (I don’t know) started doing this to conserve my energy and give it space to find its way. It works very well.

Meanwhile, “themomtrotter” wrote: “Same with my son. I always say, ‘What do you think Baby?’. I encourage him to think for himself before asking. Redirection is key.’

However, instead of ignoring your partner, Dr Sophie Mort, Headspace mental health expert and clinical psychologist, suggested being honest with your partner can help reduce the mental burden.

talking with Metrosays, “The best thing to do is to tell your partner exactly how you feel. Make a list of all the things you’re doing that you think need to be balanced, and then divide them up.

“When you can see the difference in responsibilities in black and white, it can help you sit back and see how the current load balances out in black and white. Instead of ignoring your partner when they ask you a question like in the video of Instagram, you might want to try asking her if she’s tried X or looked at X.

“There are many different ways to manage the burden between you, but establishing that it exists and needs to be addressed is essential, and a key part of this discussion is explaining to your partner how the invisible burden makes you feel. .’

According to Charlotte Ball, matchmaking expert and co-founder of dating agency Bond, it’s “crucial” for couples to spend time explaining the list of tasks, responsibilities and obligations they have to juggle in their daily lives and divide them in equal parts. .

Once you’ve done that, Charlotte advises letting go of unassigned jobs.

“Maybe your partner won’t do it the way you would, but it’s important to allow them complete autonomy in how they carry out assigned tasks,” she explains.

However, if you find yourself beyond that point and with a greater mental load than your partner, Charlotte says, “It’s important to communicate how you feel, to try to stimulate change.

“Start by quantifying and capturing how much time needs to be spent on mental load and how it’s shared between you. Then use this as a starting point for a discussion about how to redress the balance and establish priorities and responsibilities for each of you.’

While “clear communication” is vital, how can couples realistically do this?

‘Start by scheduling a fixed time to talk to them when you have no distractions. Be positive but firm with them,” explains Charlotte.

‘Take your feelings out of the equation and talk to them about all the invisible work that goes on.

“Remember, giving detailed insight into this behind-the-scenes work can give you a better understanding of your partner, ultimately allowing for a fairer redistribution of work, which could help lighten your load.

“Be honest and tell them that you would like the division of all the visible and invisible work that keeps the household running smoothly to be equal, as this will ensure that there are no hard feelings, that you work as a team and that your relationship flourish.’

Once you’ve divided up tasks, Charlotte says you should “make it clear that you want these changes to be long-term and that you’ll have monthly check-ins to make sure you’re both on track with your responsibilities.”

“At first you may need to do a little hand-holding, but gentle encouragement, such as inviting them to use a scheduling app or reminding them of important tasks, can help.”

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