How the Find My app has changed my friendships

My friends and I share our locations indefinitely through the Find My app, formerly known as Find My Friends. Sometimes when we don’t get that “home!” text, we check the app to see that we’ve all arrived home. When one of us has a date with someone new or is running late, we have the other’s location to make sure we’re safe or to hold each other accountable.

This group of friends is made up of women and people from the LGBTQ+ community, so we tend to be more alert about each other’s safety. And while you never want to imagine the worst-case scenario when it comes to personal safety, many of us live in big cities, so having other people’s locations gives us peace of mind.

My friends and I lovingly refer to our little avatars as our Sims. When we travel, it’s fun to see all the Sims scattered around the world.

Find My was introduced by Apple in 2011. Since then, it has become a friendship marker, creating a new level of trust. When you give your friends access to your location, you let them see your every move. And while you may start by sharing locations before hanging out or meeting at a concert, many end up sharing locations indefinitely. According to a recent survey commissioned by Bumble For Friends, 54 percent of Gen Z respondents see sharing their location as a form of affection, and 51 percent see it as the ultimate sign of friendship.

While the Find My app has been helpful, it also inherently changed my relationships.

Recently, I found out that one of my best friends came to my city for a week and didn’t tell me. I found out by checking Find my. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular; I had just opened the app and saw his avatar floating in New York City. I would never have known he was here without this technology, as he did not post on the usual social media channels.

It hurt and upset me that she hadn’t told me. When I told him that this bothered me and I wish he had reached out before his visit, he said he would let me know the next time he was in town. The next time he was in New York City, however, he hid his location from me. This made me reevaluate our friendship and how close I thought we were. We no longer share locations with each other.

Like many social platforms, Find My has its pros and cons. Access to this technology can increase feelings of FOMO, and if you spend too much time looking, you might linger and see something that hurts your feelings. Maybe you see a friend who came to town without telling you. You may see friends going out uninvited, leading to possible feelings of exclusion.

The same Bumble survey found that 49 percent of Gen Z respondents check Find My or other location-sharing services as much as they check other social media apps. Almost one in two (46%) Gen Z respondents have at least 10 contacts on Find My.

But with this level of visibility, comes greater responsibility? Now, app users can see if someone is running later than the one they led, or if they left the party without saying goodbye. I’m well aware that my friends may be able to check my location to see if I’ve actually left my apartment when I text “On my way!”

When you share locations, it’s your responsibility to understand that friends can check you at any time, for better or for worse.

I’m not immune to the lure of checking in on my Sims every now and then, just for fun. I have over 20 friends that I share my location with and have had for years. Many are friends who don’t live in the same state as me, and when we shared locations with each other, it felt like we reached a new level of friendship. The truth is, while it’s taken on a new life as pseudo-social media, Find My is still a useful tool for making sure friends get home safely, or checking in if necessary. After all, Sims need friends too.