Menendez case is call for awareness and action against abuse – San Diego Union-Tribune

The tragic story of Erik and Lyle Menendez, convicted in 1996 of murdering their parents in 1989and serving life without the possibility of parole sentences at Donovan State Prison, continue to captivate public interest and provoke deep reflection on the complexity of trauma. We as board members and staff for Men Healingrecognize that current media discussions provide an important opportunity to reflect on the impact of profound trauma on boys and men who have experienced sexual violence.

At the heart of the Menendez brothers’ story is a harrowing narrative of alleged abuse, which the men claim drove them to kill their parents. Their experiences highlight a critical truth: the sexual victimization of boys and men is often overlooked, trivialized or dismissed. To this day, we maintain a societal blindness to the reality that boys and men are also victims of sexual violence. When Erik and Lyle spoke about their claims of suffering, many responded with skepticism rather than compassion, reflecting the tendency in this country to not believe that boys and men can be affected by sexual violence. This dynamic exacerbates feelings of isolation among boys and men who are survivors and perpetuates harmful stereotypes about masculinity. The statistics show that men can wait more than 20 years before disclosing their sexual assault.

Members on the MenHealing team have experience working with male survivors and lingering sexual trauma 50 years. During this time, I have seen the devastating consequences for boys and men who are conditioned to believe that acknowledging vulnerability and pain equals weakness. I have witnessed the repercussions when men secretly carry the traumatic burden of sexual violence. This stigma can lead to significant psychological and behavioral challenges, including depression, anxiety, and increased risk of substance abuse, as well as reactive violence. We are saddened by the frequent scenario in which reluctance to seek help is rooted in a cultural narrative about masculinity that values ​​stoicism and discourages emotional expression. We are alarmed at how often an intentional question about “What happened to you?” is silenced or annulled by legal intervention.

Our experience illuminates the importance of creating supportive healing environments that expand work to serve adult male survivors of sexual violence. Just as we have increased our understanding of the complicated repercussions of physical and sexual violence against girls and women, we must make personal and societal changes to include a similar recognition that many boys and men need resources to heal from violence sexual.

As we absorb the story of the Menendez brothers, it is a helpful reminder that each of us probably knows a boy or a man in our lives who is affected by the overt or covert reality of sexual violence. Research reveals at least 1 in 6 men, almost 28 million in the United States experience sexual violence at some point in their lifetime (closely in line with the statistic that 1 in 4 women experience sexual violence).

Please consider what you can do to help our society overcome the cultural blind spots that overlook the needs of male survivors of sexual violence. This cultural shift in beliefs is vital so that boys and men don’t blame themselves for what happened and allow them to let go of the secrets they have kept out of shame and fear of not being believed.

When men are empowered to express their emotions and seek help, they not only begin to heal, but also contribute to a larger cultural change for the benefit of all. Imagine all the men who could become more authentic and compassionate fathers, husbands, sons, brothers, friends and community leaders if they could live in a world where they could reach beyond their traumatic secrets and find resources to help.

Warner Ph.D., is a MenHealing board member and lives in Los Angeles. Struve is the executive director of MenHealing and lives in Bellingham, Wash. Munson is a board member of MenHealing and lives in Milwaukee. MenHealing has no direct interest in the Menendez lawsuits and appeals.