Dear Annie: Someone in our friend group is exhibiting disturbing behavior

Dear Annie: I live in New York City and have had a solid group of friends over the past decade. We are all young, gay professionals in our 20s and 30s.

A few years ago, an acquaintance joined our circle. Initially, it was a nice addition and I welcomed it with open arms. However, over time, I noticed some annoying behavior.

He has developed a habit of taking over social situations, often dismissing others’ stories or making negative comments about people he barely knows. It feels like they’re trying to dominate conversations and overshadow longstanding friendships. More recently, I found out that he organizes vacations and social events without including me, often with people I’ve met.

When I confronted him about it last summer, he brushed it off as a “miscommunication.” He has expressed his regret and assured me that he loves me and my family, but his actions don’t seem to line up with his words. I’m not sure if I want to continue building a friendship with him, but I’m also not sure how to navigate this situation within my close friend group. What should i do? — Left out in NYC

Darling left out: I would usually recommend direct and honest communication with this gentleman, sharing your feelings and trying to work things out. However, it looks like you’ve already tried and been rejected. Another conversation is more than likely to fall on deaf ears.

Focus on the other friends in your group where your effort is appreciated and reciprocated. Don’t make a bigger deal out of it than it is — there’s no need for bad blood or forcing a relationship between the two of you — but trust your gut. It’s there for a reason.

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