Asking Eric: We were predicted to be in the direct path of a hurricane and our kids didn’t check on us

DEAR ERIC: My husband and I are hurting and disappointed by our two children, both adults in their 40s. We were predicted to be in the direct path of Hurricane Helene in Georgia. It changed its path slightly to the east and we did not experience a hurricane. However, we were hit with massive rain and extremely strong winds. We also live in a somewhat remote area surrounded by trees.

Our kids didn’t contact us until mid-afternoon after Helene hit to see if we were affected by the hurricane (they live in different states). We have raised them to be independent yet caring adults and we cannot understand why they have shown little or no concern for our safety.

I think we should ask them why they weren’t concerned about us, but my husband thinks we should just accept that they have become selfish and self-centered. Both have previously said they had a great childhood and appreciate the way I raised them. So why didn’t they care enough to text/email/call to see if we were okay? Should I ask them?

– No check-in

Dear NO CHECK-IN: Glad you are safe. I am curious if this communication problem is a pattern of behavior with your children or an anomaly. If it’s the latter, you might want to think of it as such – a place where your expectations and theirs didn’t match up.

Either way, you should reach out to let them know how their calls got to you. If you don’t, I’m afraid you and your husband may start to resent them—if you’re not already fueling the fires of resentment. . And you could build a narrative about them that isn’t true.

Selfish and self-centered are strong words. As a family that – from your description – seems to care about each other, you should have a conversation about ways you can all feel seen and thought of.

Sometimes we think of communication patterns in relationships as a sort of set-it-and-forget-it feature. But as we change, the way we talk to our loved ones can change. It helps to keep checking in, keep an open mind, and be vulnerable enough to say “this hurt me and I love you enough to let you know.”

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DEAR ERIC: This is the Accused Mumbler, whose husband resisted hearing aids. I am an audiologist and serve elderly patients. Hearing loss can accelerate the progression of dementia/Alzheimer’s. Your brain is like a muscle – use it or lose it. When the brain does not receive a good signal from the ear due to hearing loss, the brain will eventually “forget” what the sounds mean even when they are loud enough.

Unfortunately, after an initial diagnosis of hearing loss, a patient often takes seven to 10 years before purchasing hearing aids. Just think of the experiences, relationships, and joy of living that are lost, often because of pride.

– Solutions for losses

DEAR SOLUTION: There are so many advantages to taking advantage of the care available. I hope the husband in the letter will.

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DEAR ERIC: I am writing in response to the letter from “Confused Mom” who is worried about her son’s college choices. Both you and mom have overlooked something important. The son has a plan for college. He wants to attend a community college.

On average, 45 percent of all students in the United States attend a community college. Also, of all students who graduated from a four-year school with a bachelor’s degree, about 50 percent attended a community college within the past 10 years.

The son makes a very wise choice. Not only will it save money, but it’s well documented that community college students get more one-on-one attention from professors and advisors and more tutoring help if they’re struggling with a particular course.

Also, the average age of community college students is 27, which means that community college classes have a mix of ages and life experiences that can be beneficial for students who are still finding their way.

– Community college papers

DEAR COMMUNITY COLLEGE WORKS: Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for expressing your support for the community college so thoroughly and enthusiastically. I agree that is an excellent way!

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DEAR ERIC: I just read your tip for Confused Mom in the print edition of the local paper. As for their question about what to do with the college fund, the law was recently changed to allow 529 plans to be rolled over into a Roth IRA, with some caveats of course. This may be something worth considering.

– 529 Suggestion

TIP 529: This is a great option for the family, especially if the son chooses to go to community college and save some of the money his parents put aside.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow it up Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)