“Life Traps” Affect Those Facing Addiction | News, Sports, Jobs

Are you repeatedly attracted to relationships with people who are cold to you?

Do you feel that at your core you are somehow flawed and no one who really knows you can love and accept you?

Do you put the needs of others before your own, so that your needs are never met?

Are you afraid that something bad will happen to you, so that even a slight sore throat could trigger a dreaded illness?

Do you feel that no matter how much public acclaim or social approval you receive, you feel unhappy, unfulfilled or undeserving?

If you do, we call these patterns “the pitfalls of life”. A life trap is a pattern that begins in childhood and, if not resolved, stays with us throughout life. In the next six to eight columns we will identify and work with these life traps. Basically, it starts with something done to us by our families or other children. You don’t have to be chemically dependent to have life traps. Ask the psychologists who deal with people every day about those thoughts. For chemically dependent clients, these life traps are a huge roadblock to recovery and sobriety if left untreated. How can chemically dependent people work out any pitfalls of life in some rehab we meet with a counselor every six weeks for 10 minutes? I will come back to this thought later when we get into dealing with the pitfalls of life.

Okay, our families or other kids did something to us. We have been abandoned, criticized, overprotected, abused, excluded or deprived – we have been hurt in some way. Growing up, my parents were strict. But there is a difference between corporal punishment and physical, mental and sexual abuse. The overriding factor was that we knew our parents loved us and wanted the best for us.

If we got hit for bad behavior, we had to change that behavior or there would be more consequences. Today everything is abuse and that is also irrational. The trappings of life are very, very abusive, and in today’s teenage society, they have been one of the contributing factors to the teen suicide rate, especially among young girls. Social media has not been friendly to the pitfalls of life, it has even prepared young people to do more destructive things to themselves and others.

The trap of life eventually becomes a part of us. Long after we leave the home we grew up in, we continue to create situations where we are mistreated, ignored, put down, or controlled, failing to self-actualize our desired goals.

Life’s pitfalls determine how we think, feel, act and relate to others. They trigger strong feelings of anger, rage, shame, guilt, anxiety, depression and fear. For chemically dependent clients (alcohol and other drugs) none of these disrupted negative emotions are a luxury, especially when they drink and use. These are “self-esteem” problems, because even when we have what seems to be everything – social status, an ideal marriage, the respect of those close to us, success in our career – we are unable to enjoy life or believe in our achievements.

Over the years as a chemical dependency counselor I treated people living under bridges and penthouses making $450,000 a year. It didn’t matter who you were, because those were the problems they brought with them into adulthood. I imagine as you read this article you are wondering how someone who makes so much money could be totally miserable and not know who they are or what their goals are and how to achieve them.

I don’t want to leave you “OK, so what are these life traps?” I will identify them as a group and in the following writing begin to explain their status in your life.

These are: abandonment, mistrust and abuse, dependence, vulnerability, emotional deprivation, social exclusion, deficiency, failure, subjugation, relentless standards, entitlement.

There are a total of 11 life traps.

For more information on this article or related topics, call 716-983-1592.

Mike Tramuta is a Counselor in Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy.