Dear Abby: I do not trust a family member accused of possessing child sexual abuse material

Dear Abby: Many months ago, a family member’s husband was charged with possessing and distributing over 10,000 items of child pornography. Police and the Department of Homeland Security raided his home and confiscated computers, cell phones and other devices. He was arrested and spent a week in jail. He hired a very good lawyer and all charges were dismissed.

His wife, our blood relative, stayed by his side. She is still married to him and has no plans to leave him. She’s been keeping us up to date on legal developments and says her lawyers believe she won’t spend any jail time because “she’s in her mid-70s and has no prior felony convictions.”

Even though the charges were dismissed, we don’t feel comfortable having him in the house because we have small children at our meetings. It is important to note that his wife never denied that she was viewing and distributing these materials. She just said, “They’re making him look like a monster.” How can we continue to support him and at the same time let him know, when the time comes, that he is NOT welcome? This chain of events has been devastating for our entire family.

— Devastated in the East

Dear Devastated: Your concern is understandable, but I have to question whether you have all your facts straight. On the one hand, he claims that all charges against this man were dismissed. On the other hand, you say that your lawyer believes that he will not serve time because of his age, which makes me wonder if some sort of plea deal has taken place, and he will only be asked to do community service

You may want to provide emotional support to this family member, but if the parents of minor children feel that their husband may pose a danger to them, those children must be protected. And, if that means not exposing them to the partner, so be it.

Dear Abby: I have been with my husband for 16 years. He has two children, aged 17 and 19. Every year he spends the holidays with his ex and her children. I can’t go with him because his ex has ruined any chance of him having a relationship with his kids. Frankly, they hate me and blame me for their parents’ divorce.

I have five children. I make time for them on vacation, but I prioritize my husband. I don’t think I should do that. am i wrong He has done it for 16 years. I comment on it every year, and he always says next year will be different. Please tell me your thoughts.

– We miss him then in Washington

Dear Missing Ones: This year will be no different, and neither will the years after. My question is: WAS he responsible for breaking up her marriage? From the mail I’ve received over the years, many marriages have ended long before either spouse files for divorce. If the “kids” are right, they won’t change their attitude at this late date. However, if you were blameless, their father should have fixed them when they were old enough to understand.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or POBox 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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