Ask Eric: Is it unreasonable to expect my fiance’s adult and teenage children to do their dishes?

Dear ERIC: My fiancé and I are currently living together and plan to get married soon. This is not our first marriage, and I am crazy about him, which at my age I never thought would happen.

His children live in the house: 27, 21, two 16-year-old twins and a 15-year-old.

I work over 50 hours a week and so does he. The 21-year-old is 40 hours old. The 27-year-old, who also has two children, is at home all day and the rest goes to school online. So they are basically home all day too.

Is it unreasonable to expect them to clean up after themselves? I come in every day with piled up dishes and having to clean up 45 minutes before I can even start dinner. Then, after dinner, I’m expected to clean the entire kitchen by myself.

I have no problem doing the dishes I have dirty, but why am I doing everyone else’s? I feel very tired and disrespected. Should I move on before I’m more stuck than I already am? And yes, I have spoken to my partner several times and he says he will speak to them.

– Desperate at home

Dear Desperate: Who was doing the dishes before you moved in? Who was making dinner? Who cleaned the kitchen?

It’s possible that these adults, teenagers, and your fiance just lived in a mess full of dishes with no food. But my suspicion is that they found out.

So what changed? Your willingness to provide household help is generous, but this situation indicates that there was a conversation that did not take place between you and your fiancé before the move. I mean: how will this all work? It looks like the household didn’t get mixed up, instead you were handed a long to-do list with a cherry on top.

Also, 27 (with two kids!) is an old age to not lift a finger.

So you have to stop. final point And ask yourself if this is an environment where you want to live. He may not be ready to welcome you into his home and has to earn that privilege again. Every person in this house is old enough to make themselves a sandwich. Ask your fiancé what his plan is to fix this. If he doesn’t have an answer, this is your answer.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him Instagram and subscribe to their weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.