The man abused by his girlfriend cannot use the toilet

A man who was kicked and punched, made to sleep on the floor and denied access to a toilet by his abusive ex-girlfriend says he wants to tell his story to help other victims.

Gareth Jones, 41, says it took more than a year of therapy to begin recovering from months of emotional and physical abuse from a woman he met online in July 2021.

A charity whose helpline was run said male domestic abuse is not as rare as some people may think, with one in six to seven men being a victim in their lifetime .

The Mankind Initiative also found that every year, one in 25 men will suffer at the hands of a partner in Wales.

Earlier this year, Sarah Rigby, 41, from Winsford in Cheshire, was given a 20-month prison sentence, suspended for two years, at Chester Crown Court after pleading guilty to coercive and controlling behavior .

Detective Constable Sophie Ward, from Cheshire Police, described Rigby as having a “control” over his victim, adding: “Many people think that only women can be victims of controlling and coercive behaviour, but how proves this case, it is not always the case.”

The NHS manager, originally from Pontypridd, Rhondda Cynon Taf, described being cut off from friends and family during their nine-month relationship, losing control of his finances and around £40,000.

He was subjected to daily verbal abuse and humiliation: he was not allowed to use the house toilet or shower without Rigby’s permission.

Strict controls on her diet meant she lost 4.5 kilograms (28 kg) in two months, while Rigby repeatedly told her he would tell the police he had assaulted her if she spoke to anyone about the abuse .

Speaking five months after the conviction, he said that at first the relationship seemed “normal”, although in retrospect he could see that it was “overly affectionate”.

“I guess they call it love bombing,” she said.

“I thought ‘how can this person be so loving?’

“I think you’re surprised … you think this could really be the best, and this could work.

“It was too powerful.”

She gave up her apartment and moved into Rigby’s house just four months after they met. It was then that the abuse accelerated.

Rigby made him pay for all the time he used to spend in the house.

He also paid £700 a month in rent, plus all bills, but was not allowed a key and could only be in the property when she was home.

Restrictions were also placed on his use of the bathroom and what he could and could not eat.

“He made me sleep on the floor without covers if things didn’t go as a result, as punishment,” he said.

“I wasn’t allowed to shower, shave or use the toilet.

“I had to hold him back and try to get to the local supermarket, pub or restaurant.

“If she wanted to go out, she had to go out, even if she was trying to work.”

Rigby was going through her phone and telling her not to contact family and friends, telling her “you’re with me now”.

Any messages he sent his mother, he would delete them immediately to avoid repercussions.

There was physical abuse, including biting, kicking, scratching and clawing.

She described an occasion in London over a long weekend when Rigby demanded she buy him a designer bag.

“We were in Harrods and she said ‘we’re not leaving until you buy me something expensive,'” he said.

“She grabbed me through my jumper, my arm was bleeding, until she forced me to buy something expensive for her.”

Five months after moving in with Rigby, things came to a head when she secretly met her mother for a cup of coffee.

“It broke down in front of me,” he said.

“I thought ‘I can’t leave my family any more than this’ … they were begging me to leave.”

At that time, Gareth appealed to the Humanity Initiative.

They confirmed that he was suffering from domestic violence, and hearing it from someone neutral helped him understand that he needed to get out.

Gareth’s mother Diane Debens said the family were “proud” of him for speaking out.

He said it put a lot of strain on them, adding: “You go through a range of emotions.

“There’s frustration. You want to shake them and say ‘never mind.’

“You know they’re going through pain. It’s your child, no matter the age. And you feel helpless, really.”

Mrs Debens said they would see Gareth with bruises, which he would clean up and on one occasion a cut on his nose.

“I couldn’t believe that a human being could treat another human being like that,” he added.

Mankind Initiative chairman Mark Brooks praised Gareth’s bravery in telling his story and said the experience of men like him is not often heard.

“There’s not a lot about male victims of domestic abuse,” she said.

“It’s not often talked about.

“So there’s not always that awareness, even for men, that domestic abuse really does and can happen to them.”

“There is a stigma”

Both Gareth and his mother hope he’ll feel ready to find love in the future, but he says he’s not there yet.

Gareth left his abuser with “just the clothes on his back” and has had to start from scratch financially, make a new home and build friendships all over again, not to mention the work he’s had to do to to rebuild

“It hit my confidence for a long time … I had low self-esteem because of the constant abuse,” she said.

“I had to go through therapy.”

He added that there is a stigma around men who talk about being abused, and he wanted to tell his story to try to change that.

If you have been affected by the issues in this story, help and support is available through BBC action line.